Amaranthine Aeternam

fear

amaranthinexaeternam — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 02:57:21 +0000

I won’t lie
Death scares me
But not nearly as much… as simply aging
Maybe it’s vanity
Or fear of deterioration
That slowly, one by one, everything stops working
The body, once beautiful
Becomes old
Creased with dreaded lines and marred with unwanted marks of age
I am shallow
And I am vain
But aren’t we all?
Seeing this all around me
It frightens me
I will not become like you.

Silence

amaranthinexaeternam — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 02:01:37 +0000

I am going insane
They’re shouting, screaming, breaking my mind
Inside my head it’s a constant hum
More than a hum it’s a constant roar
And outside
There is silence
Nothing to break through my deafening thoughts

tia dalma makeup

amaranthinexaeternam — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 05:40:43 +0000

Did makeup yay
Tia Dalma is cool looking
and so she is my inspiration
so there.
the end.

city of angels

amaranthinexaeternam — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 06:53:44 +0000

The smog sets in thick and heavy
It fills my lungs, rattling in my chest
And I’m destroying my body living here
Too fast-paced, too heavy too light, too bright – always spinning and moving
It never stops
But I can’t leave
I love this city
The palm trees and purple shadows of the mountains in the distance
Blinding heat pressing down on my skin
Salty-sweet air of the ocean mixed with the poison-sweet smell of pollution
This city
City of angels
With it’s lights and sparks and colors
The junkies and drag queens walking over Marilyn’s handprints set in the sidewalk
Taco vans and spicy, greasy tex-mex
China town with its trinkety souvenirs and good luck red fortunes
The Hollywood sign with our names scrawled across the back
We were here.

ice-glass and snow-covered

amaranthinexaeternam — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 04:10:47 +0000

Snow drifts down onto my stone-molded body
Bones made of glass
Made of ice
The wind whistles through my ribcage
My ribcage is unlocked
The door hangs open
An entrance to an empty crypt
My heart is gone and I am frozen
It’s not in this spirit cavity but I can feel the iron grip
Squeezing all existing life from my once-beating soul-essence
Tremors run through me, my body wishes for a heart to restore warmth
To pump liquid volcano rock blood to my fingers and my toes
Maybe then I wouldn’t be ice-glass and snow-covered stone

frozen sleep

amaranthinexaeternam — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 02:09:08 +0000

Ice encases my heart and my mind and everything that is a part of me
Sun reflects off of me
And it is like I am covered in a shiny layer of glass
Making everything brighter than what’s concealed inside
I want to hibernate
I want to sleep for a thousand years
And let time pass me by then consume me
This frozen state I am in
I can’t move
And I can’t function
So I’ll sleep
And forget all about you and this world that we inhabit

we’re one

amaranthinexaeternam — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 02:49:25 +0000

I wonder what tree spirits are like
If each one has a different soul
Their own separate personality
I wonder if they’re all connected
Somewhere under the earth
Feeding off each other
Giving and taking life force
Roots interwoven, braided together, becoming one another
Until everything is one
When things die do they get absorbed back into the trees?
Their life taken back into the sky and the earth and everything
So that this
All of us
Everything and everyone under these clouds and under these stars
We’re one.

unpredictable

amaranthinexaeternam — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 07:41:12 +0000

It starts off as such a simple thing
And I can process things as they come at me, one by one by one.
Easy.
Then all of a sudden I’m spinning
Turning faster and faster until my vision is blurred
Smears of color fusing and fading into a paint-spatter rainbow clouding my eyes
That’s what you do to me
With you I am always in motion
Twisting and spinning and losing all sense of equilibrium
But I like it
You put my mind on a rollercoaster
Completely unpredictable, the loops and turns always catching me off guard
But the adrenaline rush
Fluttering in my stomach and in my throat
Causing my world to fly completely out of control so that I am losing grip on all reality
So that these colors,
Splashes of light and life are spiraling around me
And my whole existence has become a canvas to which you are adding your own signature

sick

amaranthinexaeternam — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 01:39:52 +0000

This feeling is one that I abhor.
The hollow empty sensation
Like when you’ve swung to the top and are falling back down
I hate my sudden awareness of your absence
That I need to be near you
Always.
This clawing on the inside of my stomach
The horrible creature that tears at my lungs
Leaves me gasping for breath
Because you are away
Vertigo and unease cloud my mind
Swirling around with images of you
It makes me sick
And I wish I could sleep
Close my eyes to your constant presence in my consciousness
But I can never escape you
While your body is gone
Your memory devours my thoughts

guilt

amaranthinexaeternam — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 02:34:35 +0000

I feel guilt every time I leave
Guilt that I’m not there
Guilt that you’re alone
I know that you’re miserable
And I wish I could help
But nothing
Nothing.
Nothing I do helps.
I wish I could erase your sadness,
But your only delight is to spread your suffering to those around
And I won’t have that
So I’m sorry
But I must leave
No matter how the guilt eats away at me